Whats next

So apparently right now im dealing with being addicted to the bad behavior. Im so used to the bad behavior, I have dealt with it for so long now that it is the "normal" and I am catching myself crying on and off constantly because I am so scared. This marriage is really over. So now what, I am alone. I mean, I guess I was really alone before too but now I am alone ALONE, single @ 43, nobody to lean on. That's scary. But I better toughen up because its all me now. Man, this is hard. I wish I could quit crying. I know it is a good thing, I know that he was not the one for me. We were not a good match but im used to the bad relationship. I need to NOT be okay with the relationship because I know I will have a great relationship. God wants us to be happy and with our perfect person. So I will not waste anymore time in this pity party that I see myself fall into quite often here lately. Dust myself off and lift my head back up high and move forward. After all I do have a mini-queen in training. She needs to have a good role model. So now what? Good vibes, good thoughts.... ummmmm, im thinking exercise... I need to loose 20lbs and find a flipping job so I can get us into a place. I found that cute little rental in palmer that Anita was talking about and I like the idea of it and all but im a little worried about the drive for ana banana. But in the same token, it will be ok, she will have a car and she can get up early enough to get to school in time. Its life sometimes. Not always easy. But its a cute little starter place to get us back on our feet in the country, big enough for us comfortably. I like it. We will see if it was meant to be. Time will tell.