today's pitty party

Is it wrong to with you never met a person? He is giving me such grief right now going thru this divorce, things that I begged him to do WITH us as a family and he never took part of it and now all of a sudden he is willing to do these things. I begged him to go to the gym with me and the kids, something we can do together as a family and he always said nope, I get enough exercise while i'm at work... I asked him to go to the doctor to check on his medicine dosage because he would be up all night and sleep all day, he would not get up off of the couch, I leave in the morning he's on the couch, I get home that afternoon/night he's STILL on the couch. That is not normal, it was hard on me, he never did any activates with us, it was always me & the kids doing stuff together. He would go with us sometimes here & there and when he did go with us we would always end up bickering because he was in a stinky mood and expected the kids to be perfect and not act up or do anything that he would think is wrong. I would always speak up in their defense and say something to him and that would cause a argument, never failed. Sex, he never wanted to... I would tell him that I felt disconnected from him as a wife because we never had any grown up time. I asked him to discuss it with his doctor, he would always say it was because of his medicine and that was it, nothing we could do about it end of subject. And now, he's taking testosterone supplements..... I am assuming he is preparing for his new lady friend. Did I mention he has a lady friend? He texts her constantly and hides his phone screen from us when we walk by, or turns it off and puts it down like he is not on the darn thing. It is so bad that even Ana said he is acting like a teenager hiding a secret. She actually seen the phone screen when he was texting her one time, she said is was definitely a lady that he was texting. She texted me from the restroom upset. I wish he could at least wait until the divorce is final and out of the house before he starts this crap. But then again he is just hurting his relationship with her at least. She is very disappointed with his behavior at this point. Can I just erase all of the good memories? Really theirs not too many but they are still good ones. When it was good it was good and when it was bad it was very bad. And yes the bad outweighs the good of course but i'm just having a moment I guess. Yes, this is really happening, yes, it will be over and I can move on with my life without him. But until then, i'm being tortured having to watch him do the things he would not do with us when I asked him to do it for the sake of our family. And now he will do it because he is on the brink of being single again..... sigh. I hope and pray that I don't have a stroke or heart attack going thru this mess. I want to be able to enjoy my peaceful home and family and just live a content happy life. No tension in the home. No I stay on this side of the house and you will be on the other side trying to avoid each other as best as we can. Really honestly i'm scared that it is almost over, it is actually embarrassing that I can admit that but it is true you get used to the dysfunction and the ugly behavior is a "normal" thing it has been going on for the past 10+ years and I freak out a little bit because he really will be gone, yes he makes my life unbearable and stressed but he has always been on the couch..... One day he will not be on the couch and I think I am a little scared for that day. Its not right but it is how I feel right now. I gotta remind myself that I don't have to live like that anymore. It is not normal. I deserve better, the kids deserve better. I think later down the line we will be ok co-parenting together but that will be years down the line. Not anytime soon. I think I will get a dog to sit on the couch to make me feel better.